New Beginnings

Greetings!

I recently ended a 19 day juice fast. If you want to read all about it - including why I ended it - you're welcome to do so at: http://juicyliciousness.blogspot.com/. Suffice to say that I'm done with that and over the weekend we went out and filled our carts with many lovely and healthy foods.

I know how to eat healthy. I am actually very good at this stuff when I take the time to do it. A couple of nights ago I made us an absolutely delicious dinner of fresh brussel sprouts (I FINALLY learned how to make these so that I like them), fresh green beans cooked up with a little olive oil and garlic (OMG they were the best green beans EVER!) and salmon burgers on whole wheat buns with a little ranch dressing, Cabot Light 75% fat free cheddar cheese, sliced tomato, and green leaf lettuce. When we were done feasting, we were full and satisfied and it was all so good for us.

This morning I am sitting down to a wonderful breakfast of an omelet made with spinach, tomato, onion, mushroom, and Cabot Light 75% fat free cheddar cheese, and a side of potatoes oven roasted with just a bit of olive oil sprayed on them. It's absolutely delicious, filling, and good for me. It feels really good to be eating wonderful food that nurtures and strengthens my body.

I want to get much more active with this journal and make it a place where people can find inspiration. This weight loss stuff can be so daunting. I know many wonderful people who struggle with it. I, myself, have dealt with the issue through most of my life. I'm ready to walk the journey to my physically fit self once and for all. I'm tired of being stuck.

I have recently seen a close friend of mine just kind of slide off the deep end. She had an experience in early childhood that has haunted her in various ways throughout her life. She's used this issue as an excuse to explain all kinds of bad, mean, selfish, and hurtful behavior. Now she's using this issue to react in an excessive manner to some medical experiences she has had of late. And typical of her, she's so caught up in feeling sorry for herself that she isn't bothering to give one damn about anyone else in her life or how her behavior is effecting them. She's stuck and after all the time she's spent working on this issue over the years, being stuck is a damned shame.

It reminds me of back when I went to Overeaters Anon years ago. At first, it was a wonderful thing for me. I was definitely a compulsive eater and for the first time, I could be real and honest about that with people who did not judge me, who understood my struggles, and who were willing to reach out and help me. At first it was a great thing. I healed and I talked and I worked the 12 steps and I learned to stop using food. But after a year or so - the meetings stopped being a good thing. I was ready to move on to the next thing. I wasn't using anymore and I was actually eating right and losing weight. But the people in my meetings were still stuck in the same shame cycle of knowing what they should do, but still allowing life challenges to make them use food and then they'd come to the meetings to tell everyone how bad they felt about it. It got to where I felt so much worse when I left the meetings than I did when I got there. And finally, I knew it was no longer healthy for me to go to the meetings. I stopped and never looked back.

My friend is stuck like that. She's so stuck right now that I'm not sure if our friendship will even survive. I'm sad and mad and frustrated about it.

But it's also a good lesson for me. I don't want to be stuck like that. I don't want to keep making excuses for myself. I want to be healthy and I want less weight straining my joints. I want to stop being shocked and dismayed every time I happen to see myself in a full length mirror or window. I deserve better than this and I'm ready to give myself better.

It is time.

Blessings,

Mystic